...wants

May I not leave my flocks unattended
May I disdain my hunger until harvest and not my crops
I draw strength from none other than Thee
My eyes will find a commodious place and there me and mine will dwell
You, my God, will stand before all others in my eyes
May my feet fall hesitantly on spiteful soil
And cautiously in the camp of the inimical
But may my strides have appetite on the paths you have led me
And in the lands you have promised me
Might I not grow hungry for empty wants
Or my eyes thirst for shining things that are but dead

Let me run after Thee and seek Thine heart for every day that I breathe

...5,300 miles

My friend Craig and I just returned from a road trip of the northwest. It was absolutely awesome! Here's the rundown:

Paragould to Aspen:

After turning around a couple times to go back for some needed items we finally got started about 7pm on the 11th, thursday afternoon for Aspen CO. The trip to aspen took about 19 hours and was pretty uneventful until we hit the mountains at denver the next morning. The scenery in Colorado is always breathtaking and as soon as we arrived in the cozy town of Aspen it started to snow, adding to the already abundant amount of snow on the ground. In Aspen we met some really cool people, had some really good food and got some really sound sleep.


Aspen to Salt Lake City:

After some incredible blueberry pancakes and taking one last 'gander' at the awesome town of Aspen, we loaded up the car and headed for Salt Lake City, against the advice of...well everyone. You see Utah was getting smashed by a horrid winter storm. After a few hours of some really cool desert...ish scenery we hit the storm and it was pretty slow and stressful for the rest of the day. Little did we know, this would be our path for the next week! We got lost so many times and covered so much ground in Salt Lake that I'm pretty sure I could direct you better than any local. That night I played an acoustic set at a far from crowded but friendly coffee shop named Nostalgia. They gave as some free sandwiches...awesome sandwiches.

Salt Lake City to Portland:

We got in quite the habit of eating a big breakfast and then forgetting about food until getting to the next destination. So hard core. I'll be honest, the drive from Salt Lake to Oregon pretty awful...as was most driving for the rest of the trip. We actually fell short of making it to portland and stopped in Baker City, Oregon due to the weather but I'm glad we did. We ate at what was probably the coolest diner EVER and got a great deal on a room that included breakfast at that same diner. After returning some worried phone calls and getting a good night sleep, we headed out for Portland, once again, against the advice of most...especially a disgruntled truck driver who was pretty certain that we'd never be heard from again.

Baker City to Portland:

This day was also filled with nervewrecking driving, sliding about on top of who knows how many inches of ice and snow. However, the scenery picked up and Oregon turned out to be all we could have asked for. Getting into and navigating Portland was a little tough and discouraging after my show for that night fell through...but the discouragement didn't end there. We decided to stay on the west edge of Portland and drive to the ocean in the morning but couldn't find the motel we were directed to. I'm still somewhat convinced that it doesn't exist. In the process of stopping to ask for directions something happened to craigs car and it wouldn't start. You see, craigs car already has to be hotwired to even start and when this failed in 8 degree (f) weather frustration began to get the best of us. After some desperate prayers in hopes of fixing the car and that craig wouldn't punch his windshield out, I felt as though I should look under the hood(where we were certain the problem did not lie) and pull on a single chord that had no apparent problem... Blammo! It started and we ended up at an expensive hotel where we were pitied and given a very nice room for very very cheap Haha! Thanks God!

Portland to Seaside:

This day was pretty rad all around. Though we still had to drive through more snow and ice than we could have ever dreamed, the Oregon countryside was enough to make you stare in awe, pray egstatically and sing all at the same time! I can't really describe the tall, sleepy forests or the majectic mountains that reached out to the coast so...well just go there if you ever have the chance. The remainder of the day was spent walking about four miles on the beach, climbing cliffs along the coast and admiring the lighthouses as they lit up at nightfall. I had the best hotdog ever at a nice little food/bar place where some overly nice people personally led us to the cheapest lodging in the area.

Seaside to Lethbridge:

Well this was an ordeal. There were of course no complaints driving back through Oregon but somewhere in washington or idaho we hit the worst storm we had seen yet. Visibility was about 30 ft and what was supposed to be a 10 hour trip turned into 21 or 22...I can't remember. Not only were we detained at the border for bringing a friggin guitar without a work permit but we also were far too delirious to make sense of our directions to Luke's house and had to wake poor Bethany at 5:30am for help. But after some more detailed directions and being waken up by the 63,546,224,406,300 christmas lights at her house, we found our destination and got a whole 3 hours of sleep before we had to wake up to go snowshoeing!

Lethbridge:

This was definitely the highlight of our trip! First of all, waking up in a strange house full of dudes you don't know would normally be a little awkward...not here. We were family within a few minutes! 'Southern Hospitality" take notes. After we got on our feet we braved the bitter cold and picked up Bethany for a day of snowshoeing which was probably one of the coolest things I've ever done! The scenery once again had me staring in awe, praying egstatically and singing at the same time. That evening was spent hanging out with our new-found friends, laughing at eachothers accents and watching Stardust. I never get tired of that movie. Oh yes I also had onion-riddled spaghetti...and liked it. That doesn't happen.

The next day was spent wondering around Lethbridge(awesome town!!) buying tacky things at thrift stores and being introduced to Poutine(spelling?) it's basically fries with brown gravy and cheese curds...AMAZING! That evening we were invited to dinner at the Chinook house, where Bethany works with some very very heartwarming and wonderful people! I had indian food for the first time and once again Bethany snuck in a gianormous onion without my noticing. Just gobbled it down.(touche sneaky lady) Later we had the liberty of meeting more awesome people at a gingerbread party(not as gay as it sounds), jamming with Luke and watching none other than Monty Python and the Holy Grail...awesome! There were some sad goodbyes before bed and not much sleep, knowing we'd have to leave the next morning.

After more sad goodbye's to Luke and Ryan(new relatives) We headed for Arkansas. Now we didn't get far before smoke poured out from under the hood and we were stranded, seeing as how it would be 2 days before a shop would look at the car. It wasn't long before Luke and Ryan were on their way to get us but out of nowhere came yet another overly kind canadian who gladly fixed Craigs car and had us on our way without charge. Thanks Denise!! Of course, poor Ryan and Luke had already arrived to our rescue and we were starting to get excited about being stuck in Lethbridge at that point but we no longer had an excuse and had to be on our way.

Canada to Arkansas:

37 friggin hours non-stop. That's all.

...brought near

A rude awakening and howling wind, stagger to my feet
Shaking in the cold and ever chilled by snow and sleet
Blood upon hands and clothes that tell of wrong I've done
I find no justice in the thought that I should turn and run
Smoke and cries fill the air, Oh the ruin I've brought
In hiding from your trusting voice and selfish desires sought
Flames and rubble, heartache and shame, are left in my wake
What tragedy must come about before my pride will break
And so I wonder into the night, this darkness I have earned
And in the dark I'll cry for you, for Your grace I've yearned
And like a drop on desert dunes, like a river in the sand
Like the loving father You are, You came and took my hand
You turn this darkness into cloudless day that warms me
You lay a valley, green and lush and glowing, out before me
I deserve the place in which you found me, dark and cold
But your forgiveness paid my price and I am proudly sold

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Eph - 2:13



















(photo cred: B. Thiessen)
http://www.photoxday.blogspot.com/
http://www.thisisbetty.blogspot.com/

...changing.

Sometimes change comes that even the most welcoming of change do not want to deal with. And even though time heals all wounds and humiliation, it's sometimes hard to see how you can feel normal again. God's forgiveness is a hard concept to grasp when you need it most. I don't think one can truly understand such a thing. What beauty that we don't have to.

"There's a great deal of trust in the love of God, and a great deal of love in the trust of God." Why is it that we as humans have so much trouble trusting God enough to listen when he speaks? Perhaps it's a lack of trust in ourselves. A fear that we do not have the strength needed. When, if we were honest with ourselves, we would realize that he's never asked anything of us that we could not do. Pride is possibly the thickest wall between man and God.

Just because "nothing is wrong" doesn't mean that anything is right...

...but storms only pass.

"Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that woe and well-being proceed? Why should a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins? Let us search out and examine our ways, and turn back to the Lord" - Lamentations 3:38 - 40

I recently realized that I no longer have a place that feels like home. I have allot of fond memories in the Ozarks but I no longer have any family there and most of the people I grew up with(which is not very many) are long gone. The last few times I visited, it was nice but a different place, really. As for here in the flat farmlands, I love my friends and family but geographically it's quite depressing. If it weren't for working on the ridge everyday I might go insane, haha. If i never again have a place that "feels like home" I suppose that would be fine, seeing as I tend to be somewhat restless. Although, there is a part of me that will insist upon living somewhere out away from the noise and clammer and peacefully enjoying time with my Creator, at some point. A nice chunk of my life, perhaps. Sometimes I can't help but picture a place against the mountains but maybe not too far from the prairie. There would be evergreens and plenty of snow. There would be a few warm coffee houses and libraries in which you could talk with some interesting locals or read or pray. There would be loving friends or family...or both, who you spent as much time with as you pleased, helping with daily chores or having supper at one another's house or celebrating holidays. Jam/recording sessions would abound, as well. Haha I truly doubt this place exists, except in a painting over some old lady's fire place or on the book cover of an old pleasant read. It's just as well and that's fine and all but we dreamers tend to do just that...dream! It's not that we build false hope in something that isn't real or distort our expectations of life, we just appreciate dreams turned into reality all the more when someone takes action to do so. I'm done rambling about dreams. The real world is right here and there's too much life to be lived to not live it. But in humility and with wisdom and reservation. It would be easy to overlook so much.

"Man puts an end to darkness, and searches every recess for ore in the darkness and the shadow of death...
...But where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding? Man does not know it's value, nor is it found in the land of the living. The deep says, 'It is not in me'; And the sea says, 'It is not with me.' It cannot be purchased for gold, Nor can silver be weighed for it's price." - Job:28

...realization.

I cannot express in words my love for and joy in my Creator, right now. I don't say it or meditate upon it enough. "Thanks" to my friends and family. You make a bigger difference than you know.

...backpacking.

This past weekend I went backpacking with my nephew, Blake and my friend Jacob. We left out after work Thursday, and after driving through the night and taking turns at the wheel, we decided to go ahead and hit the trail around 4:00am(with little to no sleep). It was a pretty rad sunrise but we ended up unknowingly facing the hardest uphill in the smokys...super. Later that day we reached the summit and had an amazing view from the fire tower there.
After a stupidly long hike to the Laurel Gap shelter we met some funny guys from Alabama and had a good night's sleep and awoke to the smell of pancakes, cooked in many heavy skillets, backpacked in by the Alabamans who carried huge packs and practically brought a kitchen AND living room.
We had planned on a short hike that day and allot of 'goof off time' but once we arrived to an overbooked shelter we realized that our failure to registure at the trailhead kiosk had resulted in our reservations being voided. Therefore, we had a long way to go and only illegal camping to do.
We saw some AMAZING sights and was gifted with a stupidly cool camping spot right before dark(granted that 60+ MPH winds beating me up and bending overhead trees to the ground was less cool).
After a tough hike, more awesome sights and seeing a few bears on the trail we arrived at the car...ooooonly to find the the whole park was angry about our double parking. Olive Garden made it okay.
Though the majority of the trip was filled with sore legs and small talk, there was plenty of time to get lost in the wind gusts and peaceful evenings and make contact with God without all the distractions that we consider to be modern comforts. Incredible.

Here's some rockin' pics:

...drifting thoughts.

There are a few misunderstandings that I feel it my duty to set straight:

Living at your means is not a shame, it's a privilege.

Finding yourself alone in the woods does not mean you're lost, just getting back to your roots.

Getting beverages in your beard is not a problem, it's an honor.
____________________________________________________________________

I did a landscape a couple days ago for a gentleman from South Africa and he eagerly told me all about it. Why am I coming across so many things that tickle my travel bone?

...remembering a childhood

It was bottle feeding feeding baby goats first thing in the morning and first thing before bed. It was trips to the blueberry patch because mom would make blueberry pancakes. It was small game hunting in the snow with my brother. It was waking up at six, not because we had to but because we were stoked to. It was doing my schoolwork in our dining room, surrounded by moms ferns and flowers and other house plants. It was diving off of the deck onto the trampoline, even though mom would rather we didn't. It was breaking our horses with my brother(often resulting in some sort of injury lol). It was drills with the A.U.N.F (army club), making our own ghillie suits and spying on the good people of Dripping Springs valley...hahaha. It was swimming at Steel Creek and seeing who could jump the highest off of the boulders or who could stay the longest on the bottom. It was making stop-motion, toy movies with my sister. It was home church with people from all over and hippie-dancing in the living room. It was chasing elk through boxley valley. It was stopping at the old country store in Osage to see if they had some bit-o-honey. It was days on end in the woods and never getting bored with it. It was my first hunting trip with Dad and seeing a shot that would make the rest of the trips boring in comparison. It was forty minute trips for Isshinryu classes in the dodge but we didn't mind. It was watching old movies with the parents because old movies were decent. It was barely dressed trips to the woodpile in the dead of winter because me and my brother insisted that we were tough. It was rain in the orchard. It was leading a #1 online team on Delta Force with my right-hand man, Harry denOughden from the Netherlands and my Mom who was strangely good at stealth and 'knifing' snipers. It was running to meet my Dad when he came home from work. It was stocking up on military goods from grandpa's store (an old man who still sold things at the price they would have been in 1943). It was exploring the woods and pastures at the Groves on horseback. It was mad rollerblading skills at rink on thursdays. It was helping Mom in the garden. It was catching more catfish than we knew what to do with at the pond up the mountain. It was riding my bike for miles down a dirt road. It was building forts and cabins on the back acres. It was playing bluegrass with the whole family. It was listening to my celtic albums and attempting to play along. It was more days on end in the woods. It was traipsing through the snow until I could no longer feel any of my extremities. It was ramping the datson around the chicken houses. It was falling out of the hay loft and busting my head. It was finding coyote and mountain lion dens with my brother...wow that wasn't safe. It was having supper with the family around the table...together. It was bible devotions every night before bed and singing hymns and praise songs until Nicole or I fell asleep. It was grand and I thank God for it. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

...combinations

(no particular order)

bad:
late to bed + early to rise
hiking + wet socks
hide and seek + socks
showtime + broken string
slick greenhouse floor + gravity
alone + wolves
sauerkraut + anything
dumb people + big ideas
large amounts of people + no love
lack of communication + God
ireland + no ticket to ireland


good:
rain + sigur ros
walks in the woods + coffee
movies + sleep
midgets + small boats
autumn + writing
paramore + riding 4wheelers
sunny, windy days + david crowder
cheezit's + canadians
laying under evergreens + morning
snow + violin
scarf + soup
reading + blanket
psalms + instrumental
proverbs/eph + open field
fresh cut grass + bare feet
frost + cozy sleeping bag
aspen groves + chilling out
thinking + pipe
mountain tops + prayer
cornerstone + friends
comfortable sweats + lots of sleep
fireplace + log cabin

...seeking

Footsteps fall quietly
The light is oh, so faint
The air is clean and morning glow
Brings promise of the day
My breath is caught in strands of light
Between the branches, dance
A vapor, soon gone from my sight
Seen casually at glance
The evergreens stand silently
As though to calm my soul
The others slowly dropping leaves
Preparing for the snow
A creek, nearby, sings low and deep
And tells of travels, far
But through it's language, signals seep
"He knows just where you are"
And at the waters edge, I rest
The sun now warms my face
I've found a peace within my chest
I've found you in this place

...random thoughts.

So I have a new pass-time; Making sense of the conversation between the rednecks at the country store where I eat lunch. Here's how it works. I'll pick out a table across the room and start trying to form what I hear into words. So far I've failed, terribly. Here's what I've got...Billy Bob - "Maa at dang ol' dow by meh propty lie doe wanna budge!" Bubba - "Zat rye? Weh I seen tree cop cars oh round der an slike y'planet annit grow buh maaaannnn you bear water deh thang maaannn!"

...yeah, Seriously.

I worked about three hours late today but didn't mind at all. I was planting seven trees for Don, a retired air force officer. We talked about everything from travel to UFOs. A nice visit. He told me about some amazing places he's lived. Germany and Alaska, among others. He seemed so excited to talk about them and encourage that any young person travel as much as they can while they're young. I asked if he preferred any of them to living here and he seemed to prefer ANY of them to here. All he seemed to have to say was that he had grown up here and then stopped and got quiet for a long time as if he had never thought about why he came back. He had raised his children in different places so it wasn't for family. He moved away at the age of twenty two and came back to almost no one he knew. So why DID he come back? Then I thought about my parents. My father has traveled the world more than anyone I know and my mother is very adventurous. They raised us kids up in the mountains and still returned to where they grew up after many years. Will I have an instinct to 'go home' when I get older? If I do, the Ozarks wouldn't be a half bad place to kick it but it's just an interesting question.

Final thought: ...no. No wait. No final thought. Too tired. Bye.

...full of dreaming

Listless, quiet, restless but still
Flashes and reflections pass in the dark
Miles and hours will fail to fill
Each passing house, in it's place, plays it's part
Inside, are lamps, tables and chairs
Dimly lit rooms with a welcoming glow
Windows stand as portals, in pairs
As quickly as they pass, it seems so slow
Lives go on inside and sun is soon to rise
Open fields and frost sing a searching song of warmth
Arrival to rest and sleep finds my eyes
Never such comfort and dreams are sent forth

...bad poetry

What good are all the words on the earth
If, to healing, they cannot give birth?
And so it seems my words have no worth
And I sing an empty song

If all the stories that I tell
Are only proof that I lie so well
And on every word I tripped and fell
Then I sing an empty song

But through my sin and through my shame
I heard you calling out my name
You held me close without blame
And I sang an unworthy song, a beautiful song, indeed

...hard sometimes

The past few weeks have been rough in many ways. And yet no matter how hard life gets or much we suck as humans...the amount of love God pours out on us in so many ways still ceases to amaze me.

Like a song upon the wind
I hear Your calling voice, within
A song, i sing, in sweet return
With standing strength and softly stern
And when my strength fails me to stand
Ever faithful is your hand
Forgiveness in it's bracing form
To shield my heart from raging storms
And in my failure I rejoice
With, perhaps, a wavering voice
But of Your love, I can only sing
And of the glory that it brings

...tasty

I ate a mouthful of ants, today. It wasn't intentional. I sat my clif bar down beside me at work and apparently it took the ants no time to find it because I picked it back up a few moments later and took a huge bite, only to find that it tasted kind of weird. I looked down and saw that my clif bar was swarmed with ants...as was my mouth.

I didn't eat any more on purpose but they really didn't taste that bad.

Take that, Bear Grylls!

...somewhat eventful

So this is my first blog post. I feel almost arrogant for thinking that I need a special place for this, haha. But then I'm sure all two of you who will keep up with this will find something of interest here. I'm not much of a journalist so I doubt that there will be any kind of a daily update but then again my life, at it's busiest, doesn't deserve a daily post.

So let's see. Friday I drove down to stay with Chuck at his slammin' pad in Beebe and saw the majority of "Be Kind Rewind" before falling asleep on his couch. The following morning we headed for Ponca after making a stop at walmart only to realize that we were completely unprepared and had done zero planning but it was all good. We drove up scenic HWY 7 which has some pretty saucome views and a pretty decent little burger joint out away from everything. After getting there we got about 3 miles down the Buffalo River Trail before the rain hit, almost a day early! But that didn't stop us from doing so swimmin' in the very whole that I learned to swim in! On the way back we stopped in Jasper and I had an elf burger for the second time in my life. Still Good. Sunday morning I got to attend an AMAZING church, New Life Church, in Conway! I wouldn't survey a church by this...but they served me a Chai Latte. Sweet.

I can't help but feel that I'm somehow reverting to my childhood by watching so many old movies lately but I can't help it. They're the best.

That's all I've got. Bye.